Gone
by kaname-luvr
Summary: When Yuki's demons finally catch up to him, the writer only sees one exit. Shuichi witness the fall of his lover, how will he react? Rated M, for suicide, character death and others.
1. Accidentally There

**TITLE- GONE.**

**CHAPTER 1- ACCIDENTALLY THERE.**

**GENRE- ANGST.**

**RATING- M/R DUE TO SEVERAL TOPICS OF DISCUSSION.**

**A/N- **eh well…. I don't know, I been thinking about this for sometime, so I thought I would give it a shot… so let's see how it goes, yeah?

--------------------------------------------------------------

"SHUICHI!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TODAY?!?!" yelled the red head. They had been trying to get Shuichi's attention for the last two hours, but nothing seem to get the teen out of his stupor.

"I'm sorry guys. Its just that Yuki has been acting really weird lately, you know? And-and, *sigh* I don't know, what if he's planning on leaving me again? What if he's sick but not telling me?" the pink haired boy panicked. "No! I have to go see him! I have to talk to him!" at this he rushed out of the NG Productions building. "I'm sorry guys! I promise I will make it up to you soon!" he called out as he dashed out, leaving a room full of confused and stunned people. On his way out of the building he almost crashed into Touhma, but he kept on running not stopping at all, until he got to his destination.

Touhma looked at the disappearing form, and went inside. Once there he saw his new band Bad Luck packing things for the day, he stopped and asked what was wrong with Shuichi.

"He seems to be worried about Yuki-san. He said Yuki-san has been acting weird lately and fears he will leave again." answered Fujisaki, who went back to packing up his synth.

"Oh, well then I better check on Eiri-san too. If he is sick he needs to see a doctor immediately. As for leaving, I doubt such a thing. He would have told me something." with that, the short blond left to fix a few errands for the day, then went off to Yuki's place.

On his way there, he worried about Yuki. He, too, had noticed something different about Yuki, but the writer wasn't willing to talk about it. _Look at me! I promised Eiri-san I wouldn't worry so much about him, and at the first sign of distress in Shuichi, I go running to see what's wrong. I just hope I don't walk in on them again. Maybe they'll be arguing about something. _As this thought went through his head, he heard an ambulance and moved out of its way. The sound made him nervous, specially when he saw the ambulance turn in the same direction he was going.

--------------------------------------------------

Shuichi rushed into the penthouse, and into the author's study. When he opened the door he saw Yuki's eyes for the last time. As he opened the door, the author turned around holding a gun to his left temple. For one split second they both stood there, looking at each other one last time. Then the shot of a gun was heard throughout most of the complex. Shuichi could only stare as his lover fell to the ground, some of Yuki's blood had gotten to him, and stained his face and his clothes. Then Shuichi started screaming hysterically, and at the sound of the gun, neighbors had started knocking at the door frantically and praying it open, finding a hysterical teen kneeling in front of a dead blond.

"OH GOD! YUKI! YUKI!!! YUKI, NO! NO, NO, NO!!! YUKI, NO!! NO!!!" His hands roamed the corpse's bloodied face, begging the dead for the impossible. Then he desperately grabbed a cold hand a pressed it to his cheek. "YUKI, LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! PLEASE! COME BACK TO ME" frozen golden eyes stared lifelessly at Shuichi, who had now smeared his whole cheek with blood.

"YUKI!!! Yuki…" the teen sobbed uncontrollably into the dead blonde's unmoving chest. Then he pull his head up to kiss the corpse's blood stained lips, painting his own lips dark red.

"Someone already called the paramedics, they're on their way." Said one of the neighbors who had burst in at the sound of a shot.

As Touhma pulled over in front of Yuki's complex, he saw the same ambulance from before, and his heart went into overdrive, almost beating out of his chest. He hurried in, hoping that he was just being his old paranoid self. His fears, however, seemed to have become reality once he arrived at the penthouse. There at the forced open door were the paramedics trying to get in through the crown that had gathered, and he could hear the hysterical voice of his lead singer.

"No…" he whispered and made his way inside and into Yuki's study, where people were praying Shuichi off of Yuki's body. Shuichi, on the other hand, didn't want to let go, refused to do so, clutching Yuki tightly to him. "NO, NO, NO, NO!!!" He heard the teen chant. "NO YOU CAN'T TAKE HIM AWAY, NO!!! Yuki, Yuki tell them, tell them you're okay, please Yuki!" the teen begged over and over again. Finally, about three or four men got a struggling Shuichi off of Yuki. Shuichi scream louder than before trying to break free and go back to his lover. "NO! NO!!! LET GO OF ME, LET GO!!! YUKI!!!"

Touhma got closer and sobbed at the sight, there lying on the floor was Yuki, blood pouring from a hole in his left temple, there was so much blood around him, almost like a halo of red, his eyes were still open and looking at Shuichi. Shuichi was covered in blood. His right cheek had a hand like stain, his lips were almost brown from dried blood, at the knee of his cargo shorts were circles of dark, and his hands were also bloodied. Taking him out of his daze, the paramedics asked him if he knew the man.

"Yes, he-he he is, was my brother in law…" he could barely believe what was before him.

"Then we will need you or another family member to identify and claim the body later on." said the paramedic.

"Yes, of course." he said, as he saw three paramedics putting Yuki's body in a black bag, then zipping it up, putting him into the stretcher and walking right out. He followed them, got in his car and followed the now silent ambulance. Once in the hospital's morgue, he called Mika, and told her of her brother's death as gently as he could. She was eight months pregnant, and he knew this would affect her, but his family needed to know, and he knew Mika would immediately call the rest of the family. At first he heard her gasp, then an 'Oh God, no' left her lips. It took both of the best self control the could muster, and began the long process that followed a famous person's death.


	2. Planned

**DISCLAIMER- NO, I OWE NOTHING****… LEAVE ME ALONE! SAME GOES FOR CHAPTER 1!**

**CHAPTER 2- PLANNED.**

**A/N-** well, wow!!! I'm actually updating twice in one day!!! Woot woot!!! Anyhow, for those of you who have read my other story, 'Blind Love Again' don't worry, I already started chapter 5, and I promise you there will at least be a lime in there. On this story however… no such luck… well on with the story… and review!!! Please?

**CHAPTER 2- PLANNED.**

It had been two weeks since Yuki's death. Touhma refused to say or even think of suicide. He had schedule a press conference for next week, to pipe down the media. Eiri's funeral would be two days after that, and he would be buried in his family shrine. Everything was set up, all that was left was to claim Yuki's body form the morgue. The autopsy had revealed the obvious: a self inflicted shot to the head had immediately terminated the young author's life. Touhma spent most of his time at work, trying to forget, to subdue the pain. It didn't work as effectively as he expected, but at least it gave him something else to think about. There was a knock on his door. He sighed "Come in."

It was his personal secretary with a letter on his hands. He sighed again "Please if its another request for an exclusive or something of that sort, I have already indicated for those to be spurn."

"Its not. A messenger came in and delivered it. He said this letter must only be opened by you, sir. He insisted that it be me who give to you personally." his secretary walked to his desk and placed the letter in the middle of it. Touhma took one glance at it and was immediately stunned. It was Eiri's hand writing! "Leave! And don't bother me. Tell everyone I am unavailable no matter what!" he commanded in a harsh voice. As soon as the secretary walked out, he made sure that the door was locked and went back to sit, taking the letter in his hands, and holding as if it would disappear at any moment. Finally, he opened a desk drawer and took the letter opener out of it, and very careful opened the envelope. Eiri's hand writing was all over it. Touhma was amazed by it. His fingers traced the marks a pen had done and tears trickled down his cheeks. He looked at the date and time and realized it had been written the night before his death. Then, the anxiety of the letter, eating him away, he commenced reading it.

_Dear Touhma,_

_By the time you receive this letter, I will be dead._ _I am sorry that things had to end this way. Please don't feel guilty. It wasn't your fault, but Kitazawa's demon haunted me day and night. I thought I had already overcome that, but even then, that monster just hid away until it crawled its way back. I feared it now. Call it insane but we all got something that we fear, right? Even if it was only on my mind, unreal. It took over my unconsciousness then my conscience. I saw him, he was laughing at me, at my inability to move on. He wanted to break me, but I swore I would forget him one day, drown him away with his last memories. But this fear took over, this desperation. It was false, nothing was real, not his words of love or anything else, and I couldn't escape him, even if Shuichi was there with me._

At the mention of Shuichi's name, he realized he hadn't thought of the singer since the incident, hadn't heard of him either.

_I am really sorry. But there was no other way, he haunted my life, and I couldn__'t take it anymore. I couldn't hurt one more person. Because of me, Shuichi was raped, and even then he remained strong, but I can't bare it. Sometimes I hear him in his sleep, telling 'them' to stop, and it kills me. Please Touhma, take care of Shuichi. Don't abandon him. He needs you now. Do it for me. I know that this probably ripped your heart out, but if that happened to you, imagine how Shuichi feels. I love him with all my heart, and I do not wish to hurt him any longer, but I know that if I leave he will follow me, find me. He is all that keep me together, that keeps me from falling apart, yet I know that as soon as he knows of my death he will be hysterical, he might loose his spark, take care of him, and bring him back to life. I wonder who will inform all of you of my death? Will the neighbors call the emergency number? All I know is that I don't want Shuichi to see me at my final stage. I have planned this for months now, I know Shuichi has noticed something different in me, but at least I know that I will no longer hurt him. This is the last time I hurt him, help him recover. I leave all that is mine under your care, with that please provide for whatever Shuichi needs, anything and everything, do whatever you please with the rest._

_Again, I apologize for leaving this way, I cannot express the sorrow that overcomes me when I think of leaving the ones I love, but I know you understand. Thank you for everything, and remember, this was NOT your fault. It is what I want and need._

_Sincerely,_

_-Eiri._

_P.S._

_Please do not tell Shuichi of this letter, at least not yet. It will only bring him more pain. Keep him alive please._

By the end of the letter, Touham was sobbing, tears running down his face. He understood now, he knew why Eiri had wanted to die, and he respected his last wish. If that was what made Yuki better, then so be it. It took him a good hour to compose himself. He thought of the letter and its contentsand suddenly remember where he had left the other boy. He called the Shindou residence, but the answering machine went off, informing him that they had gone to vacation somewhere in the coast. He decided to go to Eiri's apartment for the first time after his death.

The drive there was more painful than it should have been. He could clearly remember moving aside for the ambulance, his fear pounding in his heart.

When he got to the penthouse of the building, he saw a lady trying to get into her own apartment. He moved on to the penthouse's door and twisted the knob and saw that it was locked. _Someone must have lock it._ He thought. The lady who had been trying to open her door finally opened it, but didn't go in.

"Oh, if you are looking for the boy, someone came to get him." she said

"Someone? Who? Do you know?"

"Well, no. I'm sorry but I don't know. We were taking care of him but then one day everything was locked all the doors and windows closed and the lights were out. No one's heard anything since then, so we concluded that someone must have come to get him and locked everything."

"You were taking care of him?"

"Well, yes, me and some of the neighbors. You see after the man who lived there died, the boy was just hysterical. We couldn't pry him off the body, and when the paramedics came to take the body away, he just ran after the ambulance, almost getting himself run-over by a car. I sedated him, since I am a nurse I had some sedatives. It tool a lot to get him to calm down. I thought he would overdose if I gave him anything more, but since I saw him fighting the effects I took the risk. He was sedated ever since, and when he finally woke up without getting hysterical, he would just look into some corner of the room. We took turns taking care of him until someone came to get him. We tried to take him out of there but he wouldn't let us. Since he wouldn't eat we used an IV. We always left lights on. But like I said one day, someone came for him."

Touhma could only listen as the lady told him what had happened after he left following the ambulance. He decided to check the whole apartment, make sure that all was off , closed or locked. When he first entered the penthouse a subtle stench made its way to his nostrils, and he saw the light from the kitchen on, then heard a bit of struggling as if someone was trying to open one of the drawers. In the kitchen he found Shuichi, dirtied, hair oily and disheveled, holding a knife, looking at it in some sort of trance. Then slowly the knife made its way to a frail wrist. Touhma hurried to the teen's side and took the knife from him.

"NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!! I WANT TO BE WITH YUKI!!! YUKI! YUKI!" The boy began sobbing and Touhma held him as he lowered both of them to the ground.

"Why did you want to die Yuki? Did you hate me so much, that you killed yourself? I'm sorry Yuki, I'm sorry!" Touhma could only rock the boy as he cried. Shuichi blamed himself for Yuki's death. After the boy had fallen asleep, he took him to the couch and laid him there and covered him with a blanket. He had realize the stench had come from Shuichi, his cargo shorts were stained. He noticed that the teen still wore the same clothing as two weeks ago. He guessed he hadn't let anyone change him. At least the blood that had covered his body was gone. Taking a look around he decided to hide alll sharp objects, seeing how Shuichi almost killed himself, and know that he wouldn't want to leave the penthouse. He started cleaning around, putting things in their place.

He saw the door to Yuki's study, and was about to opened it, when the pink headed boy threw himself there, blocking his way into the study.

"No! You can't go in! Yuki doesn't like being disturbed when his working!" Touhma could only stare at the boy, he had woken up, and now he talked as if Yuki was still alive. The boy was in denial. He refused to admit that Yuki was dead.

"Okay, please come down Shindou-san. I promise you I won't disturb him." said the other blond with obvious sadness.

Shuichi, still tense, waited a moment to make sure this was true, then he tentatively went to crouch by the sliding glass window.

"Shindou-san, You have to come with me, please. I can't leave you here alone, and I can't stay here. Please, lets go." he extended a hand to shuichi who kept starring out the darkening sky.

"Please, Shindou-"

"No, I can't leave, I have to stay here, and wait for Yuki to come back." said the boy in an almost inaudible whisper.

"Very well, then. I will let you stay here if you promise not to try to harm yourself in anyway…" he said but then added regretfully "Yuki wouldn't like that."

He saw the boy glance at him, then nodded slowly with a few tears in his eyes.

Very well then. I will come here tomorrow as soon as I can, okay?" the boy nodded again. With that Touhma left and locked the door.

**A/N- **okey so, Yuki's letter was inspired Evanescence's _Sweet Sacrifice_!!! So yeah… that's what I was listening while typing this chapter… tell me what you think!!! Oh n I forgot to put an AN on the first chapter!!! Review please!!! Oh and don't forget to read the other story 'Blind Love Again'!!! please n thank you!!!


	3. Aligned

**DISCLAIMER-- nah, I can****'****t think of anything funny or clever to say at the moment, but even then I owe nothing but this story, which I made up****…**

**A/N- ** Sorry I hadn't forgotten about this story, I have chapter 4 and 5 sort of down, but I just couldn't or didn't know how to do chapter 3, but I think I have a pretty good idea now… lets see how it comes out…

**CHAPTER 3 - ALIGNED.**

Day after day Touhma came to see Shuichi as soon as he could, there was not one day he would miss. He would even try to finish everything early or by 5:00 pm so he could go buy something to eat for himself and the young boy. Everyday was the same thing: He would go to find Shuichi in his usual spot, by the sliding doors, just staring out into the city. As soon as he neared the apartment complex, Touhma readied himself for his daily torture, to see the young boy destroyed, unresponsive, to be unable to get him out of such torturous place. It hurted to go back everyday, it was a reminder that Eiri was no longer breathing, alive. Touhma suffered everyday because he knew he couldn't see his obsession, because he knew that Eiri had been in so much pain that the only exit lead to his demise. As soon as he opened the door, he would tell Shuichi to come and eat, the boy would never acknowledge his presence, so Touhma would go get the plates for food and some cups. By the time he got back to the living room, the undead boy would be crouching by the coffee table still staring into oblivion. Not matter what, the boy would remain like that, unmoving, so by the end of the day Touhma left some food outside for the boy to eat. He knew Shuichi ate some at least if the somewhat touched plates were any indication; but even then Shuichi couldn't take care of himself. Touhma had to bath him and keep him clean along with the apartment. Today was no different.

As the boy kept his crouching position by the coffee table and Touhma sat on the sofa, Touhma noticed the dark sunken circles under dull purple eyes. Eyes that looked hollow were topped by dead, limp hair that hung from an unmoving head, as opposed to his old puffy hair. The hair now showed black roots of more than an inch, the rest was a fading pink. Cheeks, hollow, served to define the dead look of a former rock star, now deflated by fate.

"Shuichi…" Touhma allowed a moment so Shuichi could understand the blond was talking to him. It was always like this, if one talked to him, Shuichi would take some time to come a bit close to reality and acknowledge the voice. Eyes flickered slightly and Touhma took this to be his cue.

"Shuichi, I will be somewhat late tomorrow, okay? I will come at night, please wait for me until then, I promise I won't leave you…" the young boy started rocking back and forth. It pained Touhma to see this, but he couldn't tell the singer where he was really going. Tomorrow would be Eiri's funeral. A month had passed, and yet the press was still everywhere. He knew he had to be careful everyday when he came to visit Shuichi.

"I want to go…" a barely audible whispered crossed the tormented boy's lips as his body began to shake, and he rocked, with more force.

Touhma knew that eventually Shuichi would need to make an appearance on TV to pipe the media down, but he didn't want to expose his protégé to those piranhas but even a brief appearance at the funeral would do.

"Okay… I will arrange for everything…" with that the short blond left. It had been too much for him, to see Shuichi shake and rock like that, to know that he now had to say his final farewell to the person he cared the most about. It was all too much.

* * *

The following day came with many bustlings from the press. Overall, it was a hectic day for him, one he did not want to go through, because at the end of the day… it would be all over.

He wanted a private funeral for Eiri, so no one but friends and family were allowed. No press, no photographers, no nothing, but he knew that all those strangers would be nearby trying to get a peek of anything and anyone. That sort of imprudence would serve to pipe the media about the whereabouts of Shindou.

As the time neared, he got ready to leave and pick up Shuichi. He stood up from his swiveling chair, picked up his keys and the long bag by one of the sofa chairs in his office. On his way out, he picked up his trench coat and headed out to the elevator.

He used the back entrance to exit the building, knowing fully well that, at the front, there would only be reporters and cameras. His chauffeur avoided any street that might contain a reporter, then headed for the apartment, where there was another crowd of reporters and fans.

With a sigh, Touhma went into the apartment where Shuichi remained crouched by his usual place looking out at the crowd gathered.

"Who are they…?" Said Shuichi is his now usual detached whisper.

"Nothing you have to worry about. Now please change into this." answered Touhma as he tried to distract Shuichi from the commotion outside. Shuichi looked at the long bag that contained a formal outfit, and his eyes narrowed a bit with sorrow. Touhma took a hold of Shuichi's sleeve and took out a skinny arm off of it, then undressed the singer completely and changed him into the suit. That was all Seguchi did. He didn't make any other changes, thinking it better for Shuichi to make his appearance as he was now. In a wheel chair, Touhma took Shuichi to the elevator and then to the awaiting car, where the chauffeur placed Shuichi in the seat. The boy remained quiet and unresponsive through out the ride. Many cars from the paparazzi followed them, or passed them trying to get a picture of the missing singer, the tinted windows prevented this, however.

When they arrived at the shire, several other people had already arrived, among them Mika with her enlarged belly, Tatsuha, K, Ayaka, Mizuki the editor, Suguru, Noriko, Sakano, and others. They all looked at Shuichi with such pity at the state the singer was in. It was pitiful to see such a shining star finally lose its light.

With everyone surrounding the place that was to become Eiri's new resting place, as the men carried the coffin to its new place, Shuichi could only stare with tears on his eyes. The procession went on in the background. Shuichi could hear none of what was happening, his attention was solely focus on the wooden brown coffin. The time came when every one had to say their last farewell and leave, leaving a mound of roses on the coffin. Quiet steps approached the coffin, as the last of the guest put his flower down.

"I'm sorry, Eiri-san." whispered the last blond. He turned to see Tatsuha, K and Hiro slowly walk away. It was then that he heard the quiet sniffling.

"… Yuki…" followed by the unshed tears that had stubbornly held on to dull purple eyes. There, in the wheel chair, sat Shuichi looking at the coffin, no longer staring, and crying openly. He tried to stand up, but his weak legs gave under him, dropping him to the cool wet grass. The sobs became louder and more frequent. He tried to get up one more time, succeeding, if only for a brief time, brief enough to make it to the hole where four men lowered the casket.

"Yuki no…!" He cried and almost fell into the hole if it weren't for a hand that clamped on him last second. The person pulled on him to bring Shuichi back to safety, but when Shindou turn to see the offending hand, he could only stare dumbfounded.

"Yuki…" Tatsuha's eyes widen as Shuichi confused him with his deceased elder brother.

"Shu-chan… No, you got it-" but before the young monk could finish, Shuichi realized his mistake.

"NO! YUKI! WHY? WHY, YUKI? WHY?" he screamed and struggled against Tatsuha's gripping hold.

"LET GO! LET GO YUKI! LET GO!" he tried to escape the hand that held him, wanting to go back to his lover, trying to stop the dead from resting. Tatsuha couldn't hold on to him forever, and it their current position, both men could fall with the dead.

"Shindou-san, please stop this!" admonished Touhma, but the desperate boy wouldn't listen, and kept on his struggle.

"Ooof" and the boy fell unconscious. Everyone looked the tall American for an explanation.

"Its obvious that he's not gonna listen. Don't worry, he's just unconscious, so lets get him back to a safe place." K gathered the boy in his arms and walked the entrance.

"Hold on, K-san. The press will be there, we have to avoid it at all cost." said Touhma

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it. Everyone, get in your cars and drive in different directions, one after the other, staring with you Touhma. The press will think that you have Shindou. Go." with that Hiro, K, Tatsuha and Segushi all left trying to diverge the media. All four men drove in a direction that would make the tabloids think they had Shuichi with them. Touhma drove to the airport, Tatsuaha to Kyoto, Hiro into a secured and well-known hospital, and K went straight to the apartment complex. They all waited their due times until they met again, but Touhma was worried about the boy.

* * *

As K carried the unconscious boy inside the apartment, he worried that he might have hit him too hard in the head. _At least he's still breathing…_ he thought. He walked in and remembered what Touhma had told him…

"_Remember, K-san, once you are in just lay him down in the couch and sit opposite to him. Don't go opening doors or any of that sort. Shuichi refuses to open any door that might have anything to do with Eiri-san." said the N-G CEO. Touhma had warned him that Shuichi hadn't been stable since Eiri's death. He did, after all, see his own lover die._

By the time K came out of his trance he saw Shuichi wide awake, but it was as if there was nothing inside of him. He had a vacant look that stared into infinity.

"Shindou, can you hear me? Are you alright?" he asked but got no response. He called Touhma to let him know that Shuichi was alright but unresponsive.

"I'll be right there." the blond said and hung up. Not five minutes had past when Seguchi opened the door to see what new development had occurred. When he saw Shuichi, he knew that it had been a bad idea to let the boy go to the funeral, now the boy really look like he could break at any moment, yet it was as if there was a barrier shielding him from reality that had not been there before.

"His parents wanted to take him away, wanted to care for him in their home, but I couldn't let them. I cant let them hurt Shuichi. He doesn't want to leave and I wont force him, I promised Eiri-san I would care for him." rambled a dishearten Touhma.

"When did you promise this to Yuki-san? Did you know-"

"No! I would have never allowed him to die! I received a letter from him days after his death…" he didn't want to talk about it anymore, it hurted too much, so he changed the subject. "His parents hadn't been able to come. The got caught in a storm while in vacation, so now they want to visit him. I told them it would be alright, as long as they respect Eiri's wish to keep Shindou here. I know I can't force them, but for now they just want to see him, so on Monday I will bring them." he looked at the boy sprawled on the couch, and wondered if he had done the right thing by keeping the boy.

Before leaving, the American noticed a blanket thrown on the floor by what he assumed to be the master bedroom door. The blanket seemed as if it had been acting as a futon for someone, and he remembered Touhma's words, Shuichi did not like to open any memories of his past lover, so he guess that's where Shindou slept when loneliness got to be too much to bare.

* * *

Monday came and Touhma went to the Shindou residence to pick up Shuichi's parents to see their son. Shuichi hadn't improved since that day. He seem more off than before, like he was now lost in his own little world. When he got to the front steps he was met by both parents, Maiko, and Nakano, they all wanted to see Shuichi.

They got into the car and Touhma drove away, hoping for the best. Once they arrived, the blond let them in, but not before a warning.

"Before we go in, you must know that the Shindou you will see is not the one we are all used to, so please be prepare." he said looking at them all.

Upon entering, it seemed as the apartment was abandoned, but there by the sliding glass door a lump stood out. Mrs. Shindou recognized that to be the sleeping figure of her son. As she got closer, her throat got tighter. She could see the mess her son had become: his roots were showing, the bones in his back were prominent, and she could see the outline of his spine perfectly. A sob left her lips and she quickly ran to his side and hugged the boy. Touhma tried to stop her, knowing fully well that Shuichi didn't like to be touch. Said boy had his eyes open, yet they were empty, as if he were really gone.

"Shuichi, honey! don't worry baby, mommy's here, mommy's gonna make it all better. I'll make the pain go away, baby. I'll take you with me, so you never have to come back." As she said this, she rocked them both as she had done when Shuichi was a baby. She caressed his cheek roughly, pushing her son's hair away from his pitifully pretty face. All the while, tears left her eyes continuously, as she saw her son's eyes grow wide with fear.

Touhma saw it coming. She had pushed Shuichi down a path he had chosen to ignore, and now, he has thrown into it mercilessly. Before Touhma could do anything, Shindou snapped.

"NO! NO! YOU CAN'T TAKE ME!" the boy screamed as he moved away from his mother, as if she were acid burning his very being. He crawled to the sanctuary he knew would protect him, and held on tightly to Touhma's leg.

"No, please! Don't let them take me! Please!" he begged the blond for mercy. Tears pooled around his eyes, his hands clutching the blonde's leg. He didn't want to leave, he wanted to stay, stay and remain with his lover. If possible, Shuichi would wait for eternity until his lover returned from wherever he had gone to.

Hiro watch his best friend, unable to find the boy he knew and loved so much. This person in front of him was only a broken reflection of what his best friend used to be. He couldn't believe his eyes. He also watch as his boss petted Shuichi's head, and threaded his slim fingers through bicolored hair.

"Please, I think its better if you leave. You have heard him, he doesn't want to leave. Go now, please. I will care for him." Seguchi said through pained lips.

Mrs. Shindou looked pained, as if someone had just stabbed her in the heart and twisted the knife until her heart came out. She wanted to take her son, to make all his pain go away, but after witnessing what she did, she didn't have the heart to do so. She realized that if she took away the last remnants of his dream, he would surely die of sorrow and pain. So, without another word, she got up from where she was and walked to the blond man.

"Please take care of my son." she said with a sad look on her face, and caressed the boy's face one more time, before walking to her husband and hugged him, crying all the while. Her husband comforted her, while her daughter, Maiko, hugged her. They huddled together as the family they were.

Hiro could only stare as the scene before him unfolded. It was as if the Shindou family was mourning for the loss of their first born, which, in part, was true. Shuichi seemed to be lost, gone, all in his own little world, where the pain seemed to his only ally.

They gather the courage, thanked Touhma and left. They knew there was nothing they could do but let the boy heal with time.

Touhma's hand held the boy's cheek in an attempt to calm both down. He knew that had been a close one. Shuichi's mother could have easily taken him to live with her, even Touhma would have been powerless. He looked down to see the boy, wide eyed in fear and trembling. His pallor had increased, if possible.

"There, there," he cooed. "Everything will be alright, don't worry…" Touhma looked lost, staring into the space between two portraits. He had gotten Shuichi to stay. To tell the truth, Touhma had been afraid. He fear he could not keep his promise to his deceased brother-in-law, he feared that Shindou really needed his mother, and, therefore, he would be gone with no one to stop them, but most of all, he feared Shuichi's present condition. He didn't know what to do with the boy anymore. He felt as if they were both fighting a losing battle, one that was impossible to even survive, but neither of them could give up, at least not now, not yet.

The night transpired with both men glued to their place. Shuichi remained crouched while Touhma had taken a seat on one of the steps that lead to the living room. Neither man dared move, letting everything sink in, from the blond author's funeral to Shindou's family.

* * *

**A/N-** hey!!! Sooooo sorry for the super extra mega late update!!! Like I said, I haven't forgotten, just had trouble with this chapter is all. I'm sort of almost done with chapter 4, but it still needs a little tweaking here and there, but I should have it up soon enough, as for Blind Love Again *sigh* I don't know… I had it all planned out in my head, but it just doesn't seem to come out of it… so yeah…

On another note! I was talking to my friend about the story (I like to consult with her on some words I use) and she mention how I'm using "boy" a lot instead of "Shuichi" so let me explain just incase no one else got it… We all know Shuichi was a bubbly, loud ball of energy, but then his lover died (in my story), soooo! After his death, Shu-chan's world collapse and he's not the same anymore, he's lost himself and, therefore, his identity. This is the reason for the "boy" not "Shuichi," he's not that bubbly person anymore, he's changed and not for the better, so he's really lost. that's all I will say about this matter, I don't want to spoil the story.

Oooh! And forgive me for any mistakes… wow this was quite lengthy… wooo… REVIEW PLEASE!!!!


	4. Turmoil

**DISCLAIMER- ** gravitation is mine, Yuki and Kaname are fighting over me then I turned around and- … fell off my bed… yeah anything is possible in a dream, including full ownership of Yuki, Kaname, and Gravitation, which no longer belong to me since I'm awake now… sigh.

**CHAPTER 4 - Turmoil.**

**A/N- - **SOOOO! This was actually supposed to be part of the previous chapter, aligned, but after a while I decided to separate them, just so that in the next chapter things would make more sense… also this isn't the chapter 4 I promised, just so you know… and beware…

**SHUICHI'S POINT OF VIEW** (more like what's going in on in his mind…turmoil)

_Why? Why? Why did you leave me??? Did you really hate me so much, Yuki? I can't live without you. I try and try but I just can't. Its too painful. Everything reminds me of you. After you abandoned me, I tried following you, I tried to take away the pain, but I couldn't. Touhma arrived just then and threaten me, Yuki. I can't be with you, and that's killing me. I couldn't be with you, and that's even more painful. Its so God damn awful! I just stood there and watched you die!_

_HOW COULD YOU JUST LEAVE ME LIKE THIS?!?! I can't do anything anymore. I'm here, just sitting, waiting for someone to take pity on me and take the pain away, take my existence away, because my life ended when your heart stopped beating. I pray that one day I can see you again, that I can die just so I can be with you. Is it really over for me? For us? Am I that lost that I don't even know anymore…? _

_Please, Yuki, I'm begging you! Take pity on me and come back! Even if you still hate me, just come back, please! Return to me! Give me back my life, your life…_

_Can you see me from wherever you are? Can you not see how desperate I am? I'm loosing myself, and there is nothing I can do. Do you remember me? Will you really just leave me here to die, alone? If I die now, will you be there, waiting for me, arms outstretched…?_

_GOD!!!! I WANT TO DIE! I WANT TO DIE SO BAD! _

_I want to be with you one more time, even if you hate me, Yuki. that's it, isn't it? You hate me so much, you couldn't stand me, so you rather be dead with Kitazawa than with me. You no longer want my body because its dirty, its been soiled, but I swear I did it to protect you, I'm sorry, Yuki, I'm sorry, I really am! Please forgive me, please don't hate me. I need you, I really do. Don't die, don't leave me. It wasn't my fault. I promise I'll be quiet from now on, I won't disturb you, I'll try and be more mature, no more crying. I will do anything you want, just, __please, __come back to me, don't go like this. Don't give me that cold lifeless stare, cover your wound so it won't bleed. Pick another time so I won't have to walk in on you and see that hate in your eyes. Tell me that you hate me, run away from me because then I can chase you, I can yell at you. This pain, this pain is just too much. My heart feels so horrible, it can't take it anymore, Yuki. Please, save me. Please, come back to me, come and take me away with you, take me out of my misery even if its just out of pity, but just don't hate me._

_I want to ask you, are you happy with him? I bet you love him so much, enough to kill yourself just to be with him, huh? I'm sorry I couldn't be the perfect lover you wanted, I really am…_

_Anger! Anger is what I feel! It hurts so much! I just want this to end! I want it to be over. I want to be somewhere, where I don't have to remember, where I don't have to hurt, anywhere but here. I want a nice white place, where there is no you, no me, no no one but instead just be… I want it to go away, so please, Yuki, just take it all… away…_

**A/N - **hey! Okay, so I know that in the last chapter I said I had chapter 4 almost ready, well let me tell you this, this chapter, Turmoil, wasn't supposed to be chapter four as I already explained, soooo, chapter four is now chapter five, which is still almost done, also I know its sort of short so forgive me buuuut! yes again… UPDATE TWICE IN ONE DAY!!! WOOOO!!! What an accomplishment… *bored voice*

Anyhow! This chapter was inspired by Evanescence _Tourniquet, _which obviously belongs to them and not me… so yeah… Review please???

_Oooh!!!_ and I would like to thank my sort of beta, my one and only conscious and unconscious thought, a.k.a. my Obsession, Shyghost48! (yes, people, I do know her, like actually know her and have bitten n punched her, know her… lol). She puts up with me and my randomness and helps me out when I need itand so much more! So thank you, my beautiful Florecita! IFOU!

•K•L•


End file.
